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My ten y/o takes things without asking, he stole $3 from me. Not sure how severe of a punishment to

Author : Common Sense

Submitted : 2018-01-14 02:04:03    Popularity:     

Tags: stole  takes  ten  give  punishment  

He does small things like he'll drink or eat from mostly anyone (me, father, grandparents, aunts, cousins, friends) without asking, he took a stuffed Sonic doll from a friend when he was 6 (I made him give it back immediately and apologize, they staye

Answers:

Punishments should fit the "crime". The second time he needed money, I would have said "no, because the last time you did not return my change". That teaches him that you mean business. Sure it may be embarrassing or what have you, but that child needs to LEARN real life lessons.

Kids who steal have entitlement issues and sometimes feel like they are not getting their emotional needs met, so they take what they can get away with taking to gain some sort of power, not to necessarily be a thief. Kids who steal may also be trying to get attention.

I created a way for my sons to earn their allowance. I put two jars with quarters on top of the fridge on Monday morning. This money could be all theirs if they did their chores. When they did not complete a chore or break a house rule, a quarter was removed from the jar and they got what was left at the end of the week. I had a list of "offences" on the fridge, like -50 cents if you do not put your wet towel on the towel bar, -25 cents if you do not put your plate in the dish washer, -25 for each article of clothing left on the bedroom floor....you get the picture. The end of the first week, the jars were empty and they received no allowance. They soon learned that all of those quarters were theirs if they just followed some simple rules. This was the money they used for that candy bar at the check out and the toy they wanted when it was not their birthday. I was trying to teach them the value of a dollar. And, allowance is not a given, it is earned.

I don't think you should punish him, punishing is mean and unfair. Besides, stealing isn't really that big of a deal. I got caught shoplifting at the start of this summer, and my parents overreacted and grounded me for the entire summer. It was the worst summer of my life, since I was stuck inside all summer except when they made me do outdoor chores, I didn't get to see my friends or have any fun all summer, and I wasn't allowed to go to summer camp. I resent my parents so much for punishing me so harshly. So all punishment will do is make him resent you. I think it should be illegal for parents to punish their children,

It should be the same as you give him for showing disrespect, because essentially its the same crime. His disrespect for other people's things. Its not about severity per se, but punishing him EVERY TIME he does this so that he understands it ALWAYS unacceptable. Consistency is key.

You should give him money if you feel that it's appropriate. But don't totally neglect and crew him out of everything like my parents did with me or he'll probably sue you when he grows up.

I think he should be punished, yes. He did something wrong. He has to learn that when he does something wrong, there are consequences. I think his punishment should be chores. He can wash the car, sweep out the garage, clean the windows...whatever keeps him busy all weekend and doesn't involve spending money or playing games.
I think you start with a conversation: "I'm noticing a pattern that you take things without asking. Why do you think you do that? Do you think it's okay for others to do that to you? If someone comes and takes all of your books/gaming equipment/Legos without asking, how would you feel? Would you want that person to be punished? What do you think the punishment should be?" And then you announce his punishment, whatever you think is appropriate, at he very least he has to give the money back, apologize, and promise not to do it again. And then he gets chores. Chores for DAYS.
If he's taking money because he wants to treat his friends to something or just have money in his pocket, then he needs to be taught to earn it. "Help me/Dad (insert dreaded chore here) and we'll give you $5 (or whatever)." Make sure you're modeling asking permission to have something, even if it's just Please pass the milk as opposed to grabbing it and glaring angrily at your spouse, lol.

If he knows you know, then it has to be addressed. As far as punishment, discipline, teaching, whatever. You are the one with the knowledge of this child's behaviors, not any of us. Something he did at 6 certainly doesn't tie into this.



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